I dreamed that my family and I spontaneously went to Palestine. Hmm.
I just realized St. Patrick’s Day is coming and I am filled with dread.
I hate St. Patrick’s Day in most major cities but especially New York, and especially on the subway, in Penn Station, and on NJTransit.
My little sister will be here on her spring break then.
I’ll never forget this woman Shaghayegh, a consultant where I interned years ago, who said loudly, in the middle of the day, “The problem is that nowadays no one wants to take enough risks for love!”
I remember she had one foot on a chair, arm thrown out, mountain climber/proposal/musical ballad pose: it was a manifesto.
And of course you do have to take risks. Big risks.
"If I write what I feel, it’s to reduce the fever of feeling."
Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet (via fables-of-the-reconstruction)
I just don’t want to become brittle and strange to myself.
No one who lets me get to them forgets me.
I have believed in heavier prophets than you,
I’ve sacrificed to more demanding deities,
and guessed at their desires.
I wonder what kind of worshipper
you see in me,
if you realize you are not the worshipped,
if you realize I -
without realizing it -
was making us into a holy place?
You held me so gingerly, like you thought I might shatter
and traced my outline again and again,
Of what, I wonder?
I read back and realized how many times already I thought it was all over when it wasn’t.
Prepare why? You assume I hope to survive.
I wasn’t talking about reality, only the possibility of reality. All those burdensome possibilities.
Who does the body belong to, when night rejects it?
It feels like being hurled onto the floor, eyes wide open.
Should I dance, or weep? Or crawl up the cliff, scramble my way back in?
I wonder who engineers these strange and sudden migrations,
the full stops
and the lengthy pauses.
Pregnancy is something wished upon you, a thousand hovering whispers.
It gathers around your waist like seaweed.
Poor woman who doesn’t want to belong to anyone,
don’t you know you are only one
in a long line of possessions?